Have you ever been frustrated at yourself? I'm sure we all have at one point or another. I've been quite frustrated at myself recently. Sometimes you don't realize that you are unhappy with yourself because you direct your anger at another object. Only when you calm down and analyze it do you find out that you are the cause of the problem. It's a bit hard to talk abstractly without a more solid example.
A lot of times I wonder why I can't stop feeling sorry for myself, why I cry at the most random thoughts, why I can't always see the brighter side of things. If I always thought I am strong and independent, then why do I feel so lonely, so weak, so needy inside??? Have I been wrong about myself? When I am faced with hardship, am I not as strong as I thought? This self doubt has been looming over my head like a dark storm cloud. Will it rain on me? Or will sunshine break through? Will there be a rainbow after the storm? Will the rain wash away the sadness in my heart?
Most people describe me as bubbly, happy, or something of that sort. On the outside, I do appear that way. If you see me at the gym, I am usually the one jumping around like a rabbit. However, underneath the facade, am I really happy? Sometimes I convince myself that I am... I really have a lot to appreciate. I love working with most of the people at work, I have such great friends to support me, and I have my brother, who is the most important person to me above all else. What more do I want? I don't know as I am writing this... Perhaps that is why I feel so unsettled. I don't know what I want with myself, my life, with others. It's such a simple question, but I cannot answer it.
There are times when I want to leave everything behind and start over. As one person put it, drop an anvil on my head and magically appear on some tropical island. As much as I would like for that to happen, I know the right thing to do is to face my fears, problems, and doubts. This is part of growing up... Sometimes the hardest thing is to be honest with yourself and have the courage to face obstacles.
As I struggle through this, I know I will have my friends by my side. For this, I am thankful. Now that I think about it, I am a lucky girl. Life is about the journey, and I intend to go through it with my head held up high and smiling.
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snow pea salad with avocado
5 days ago
you know what? it's ok to feel sad, to feel vulnerable, to be emotional - if we didn't have those experiences we'd be missing out on all of life's experiences...there can be really tough times in life - but in hindsight, we usually realize that those are the times where we have been challenged to grow the most
ReplyDeletelife isn't a fairtale and life isn't perfect - we're not going to be happy all the time, and things might not turn out the way we want them to but it's the experience who make us who we are and cherish the good times even more
but you have it right - surround yourself with people who love you and they'll be there for you during the rough times...it's just a path of self and life discovery...just gotta learn how to make lemonage from the lemons - even though it's not always easy to
stay postive :) it's normal to have self-doubt but it's how you manage to handle the situation that you realize it's not as bad as you think it is...we all have our fallacies
you're a beautiful person - don't forget that :)